Cry Baby, A new mommy's tale

I would have done a "What I Wore Sunday" but we were ALL really tired and slightly "dehydrated" from last night's festivities... Go Ahead and use those Judgey Eyes... see if I care...

Here is something for you to enjoy

I think I missed a few step in the "normal" range of emotions having this sweet babe.

Honestly, I didn't cry when we first met in the hospital (I did later that day, upon reflection) and of course I've cried many many many times after. Mostly from new mommy frustration. But that immediate "I love you more than I've loved anything else in the whole wide world" thing didn't really happen, Sorry MM.

I've cried over the thought of going back to work, I cried when I gave her the first bottle. But something happened that I didn't expect...

I cried last night when she finally started taking her pacifier. I know, completely lame, weirdo response to something completely normal for ALL other moms. She had only taken out pinky finger and would have a tough time taking a bottle, so when she started taking both easily... I had a reeeeal tough time with it.

The myriad of emotions recently has included: Happy, Sad,  Excited, Anxiety, Gleeful, Anxious, Weepy  Exhausted, Tipsy :), Festive, and finally Caffeinated. 

Charlie pegged the paci breakdown... I felt like I was being replaced by this pink little silicone piece. 

And he was completely right, I didn't know how to put my feelings into words, but he had figured us out. Her relying on me 100% every second of the day may seem WAY overwhelming and (honestly) annoying but I love love love love love it. Being able to soothe someone, and be their end-all be-all for someone is something that I've never really been, and it has given me so much purpose. 

We went to a (few) Christmas parties last night and among the many discussions about babies, pregnancy, and new mommy-hood and someone asked if I would have done the pacifier - bottle thing if I weren't going back to work. And I don't think I would have. I only use the paci when she's going to sleep (where I previously just used the pinky) and I wouldn't mind nursing her all the time, it's way easier than pumping (ouch) and using the bottle (mess and can expire).

I'm happy rocking her to sleep every night. At this moment I feel like I could do it every night for years (I may be drinking the "baby koolaid" right now).  And I know that means I wouldn't be out of her reach for more than 2.5 hours at a time, but for some reason that doesn't seem so bad...

I say all this, to say the second we think Charlie is making enough for us to continue to live our meager lifestyle, I would become a Stay At Home Mom with the QUICKNESS!! 

OK, now back to watching Friday Night Lights, we're on Season 4 and I have 1.5 seasons to finish before I am forced out of the baby dream I'm living in.

Happy Christmas Eve Eve!!

Love, You're Favorite Heathen