Thursday, March 27, 2014

Advice me, people.

Ugh, this is going to be semi-serious. And I'm sorry for that. I was trying to sleep last night and this post just kept running through my head.

I assume this is how many girls we will have before a boy

I need some advice.

I've been struggling with a feeling that I'm not sure is going to get better before it just, well happens.

I am calling out to all those mothers of two or more children.

When I first found out we were pregnant with Virginia (although we didn't know she was Virginia at the time) I was of course thrilled! Another baby!! YAY!

And then things started sinking in, and things started getting real. And then came the tears.

How was I going to grow another heart that would hold all my love for another baby. Mary Margaret has my whole heart! Looking into her sweet little eyes and giggling with her and (rarely) getting to snuggle with her is all I could ever ask for. It fills me.


How can I grow a spot in myself for more love to be given and received??

The thought of splitting my time between her and a new baby that I am apparently going to love just as much, just confuses me. And makes me want to cry at the time I can't spend devoted to her (either 'her').

Charlie has heard me talk about this time and time and time again, and I know that other pregnant mothers with their second are feeling the same nervousness, worry, and confusion that their whole world is going to be divided and I will need another entire whole world to give to another child.

Part of this is being able to balance attention, and I understand that is going to take some negotiating and there will be some tears from all parties involved, but it is for the best for everyone. MM will have to learn that she is not the center of everyone's world (and apparently not mine either soon), which is a good lesson to learn, I guess, if you're into teaching lessons or something.

I imagine a lot of this will be. "It will just happen, you will find the love and joy and space for everything" but before that happens, it is scary!!

So if you could help me put my whirling, crazed, nervous mind at ease I really REALLY appreciate it.

Ohh, also. Tell me how to survive when you have a newborn up all night, AND a toddler that is up almost all day. How? How How Hooooooooow?? When do you sleep? I can't even fathom how that will work. How are you not constantly falling asleep? Is it just an unlimited supply of coffee? I, I just can't see it working.


  1. It is so crazy that you posted this. I am working on a post about first time pregnancy and how awesome and exciting it is. Then when baby #2 rolls around you have all these fears and worries about the exact issues you are talking about. Then when baby #3 comes you feel like a pro.

    My experience with going from one to two went kind of like this. I was worried what my oldest would think of a baby and how she would react and would she be able to articulate herself (#1 and #2 are 21 months apart exactly!). When #2 arrived it was instant love and when #1 visited us at the hospital she climbed up into the hospital bed and was super skeptical about her new sister and I know it is cliche but, the love multiplied. It was my love for both girls and my husband's love for both girls and the love that the sisters shared (even though it was not necessarily expressed - it was there).

    In terms of the day-to-day happenings, MM will probably be interested in changing diapers or helping pick out clothes or you feeding the baby. She can 'help' you do those things and you'll have companion to talk to while V is eating. Though, this time adding a third, the two older girls have been at times super interested in the new baby and other times totally oblivious to the baby. Your relationship with MM will grow as you watch her with her baby sister. I'll bet you'll have all those loving the innocence of someone so helpless with V that you really don't have for MM anymore because she is growing in independence and becoming her own little person

    As for the sleeping issue, the only way I have survived with my crew is some form of nursing in bed at night so I move the baby as little as possible. The first few weeks I put a receiving blanket on the bed and once baby is done nursing, slide the blanket to one side of the bed, wrap the My BrestFriend nursing pillow around baby (it is hard foam) and sleep on the other half of the bed. We have a full bed in the nursery for this very reason. I find it gets me so less awake if I can roll over and nurse and not have to get up and pace the halls or turn on a bunch of lights. I know there are varying schools of thought in that department but that's how I've done it.

    Hope this helps!

  2. Ah, yes. Such real questions. My dad assures me that miraculously you can grow a whole other heart to love baby #2 just as much as baby #1. I'm just putting my faith in that because I'm sure it's true; though I am trying to savor these last few weeks where its just Emmett and me.
    As for the sleep, let me know if you get any great answers. :)

  3. I'd be happy to have MM come play or go do fun things with us as much as you need so you can nap when V naps during the day. Seriously, whenever.