Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Judgey Eyes

Last week I had the second of my emotional breakdown sessions (the first one was early on and involved Chipolte... which I've found is surprisingly common among pregnant women)

This one involved me getting all weepy over the thought of NOT having the extra poundage on me, and for missing the growth... that's mean I know... but she IS growing... I was looking in the mirror in our bathroom and thinking that I may never get this feeling again. And how wonderful and amazing the human body is that I can do these things (and apparently can get the baby out too, I'm skeptical)

Anyway, a dear friend Meredith, who has the pleasure of listening (reading) my daily complaining, thought it would be a nice idea for me to jot down all of the things I'm going to miss about being knocked up.

Let's Begin.

1) Having a place to rest my hands in forced conversation.
I don't actually remember what I did with my hands before the belly became their natural location. I guess I was holding some booze if we're going to be honest here. But at a wedding this past weekend I found myself unconsciously resting my hands on and rubbing the belly. I'm sure people were all "Ohh look at the sweet very very pregnant girl over there" and all I was thinking was... I hope this conversation would wrap up so I can find whoever is passing that chicken satay with the tzatziki sauce....and I want some wine... think people with judge?

2) Selfishly sleeping in the bed alone
Charlie and I have gotten into the horrible habit of letting this creature sleep in bed with us.

Ghastly, I know.

We have a recently (6 months ago) acquired a queen sized bed... previously we were one of those sickeningly sweet couples that huddled together on a full for the first 1.5 years of marriage. Good thing we're done with all that :)

Anyway. About 2 months ago I started getting really big and uncomfortable with Charlie, Myself, Baby, and beast in the bed. So Charlie "took it upon himself" to sleep on the little - no padding - from my grandfather's house - twin bed. Where he and Buckley sleep now. Meaning... I get the big bed all to myself, and I love it.
I have vowed (heh) that once baby comes, I'm positive I'll be so tired I could sleep in the dog crate and still be happy for the rest. Meaning he can join me nightly again... as long as he doesn't mind the ever 2 hour feedings, considering Mary Margaret is going to be in her bassinet in our room for a while.

3) Ability to eat my non-normal food items without guilt
Yes, I'll admit that after YEARS of weight issues (this is not going to turn into one of "those" blogs, promise) I have food guilt. There. I said it.
I really do love vegetables and cottage cheese, and all of those healthy things that I'm supposed to eat. I do!! But having a slice of pizza or two pre-pregnancy I would make a special effort to watch the intake the next day, or spend a little longer on the spin bike... or run a little more than the norm. But the ability to have that pizza or sweet potato fries (and not the "healthy baked" ones) was nice. I haven't been going overboard (although my body seems to think I've been eating Whoppers and Milkshakes for the last 9 months).  I'm hoping that I can get back into "normal" eating once the time requires it. I don't think that eating guacamole with almost every Mexican meal is going to be excusable anymore... and I'm going to miss it...

4) Enjoying the "rounder" figure
Ok, last time I'll say it... I've had my issues with weight. Done.

So being able to embrace my fuller face, thundering thighs, and (let's be honest) cellulite has been a new and life changing event... ok that last one was a complete lie... I still don't like the cellulite.

But the ability to get over the fact that clothes are way tight, and that you're going to have a double (read: triple) chin in EVERY ANGLE of every picture and it's OK is amazing. And that is what your body is supposed to do, within a relative measure. I think a pregnant woman is natural and beautiful. So giving that whole thing up to have a spare tire for abs and bags under my eyes for months doesn't sound all-together appealing...

5) Carrying my daughter around with me
It's been super convenient for me to just carry around a little girl, who I'm feeding (and changing)... unconscionably for the last 9+ months. That is seriously going to be different when she comes out, like whoa. Hope she likes diapers and a bassinet, because she's got that to look forward to.

And we've bonded... like she's never bonded with anyone else. Not to mention she's been tethered to my insides, so I mean, that's a whole new level.

6) Having people cater to me
This is a really important one.
People at work aren't as sympathetic... which is fine, because they are 99% women, who have given birth, and know that you can get up and do some things yourself, women for centuries before would be working in the field and raising other children... I sit at a desk all day. And honestly, you need the movement anyway.

My non-pregnant friends are very accommodating, especially when it comes to where/what to eat. Little do they know I could eat ANYTHING... but can usually not go wrong with Mexican, Greek, Frozen Yogurt, Salad Bar, Chili, Wings, Pizza, Mexican :), Subs....the list could go on forever.

But dear, sweet, doting Charlie. He has always been so kind to ask if I need anything, and he washes the dishes in a reasonable amount of time. Even if I try to wash them he steps in.

Yes, Ladies... I win on the husband doing the dishes front. Try to stifle your jealousy.

Also, refer to # 2...'nuff said.

7) Really nice hair
Women's bodies are at least nice enough to give you nice hair to work with, when it isn't turning your face into some weird blotchy art project. You could give the cred to the prenatal vitamins, but I might as well give it to myself...

If nothing else is going to work like it's "supposed to", your hair might as well pick up the slack.

As if the previous topics were not enough.... here are a few things I'm not going to miss...

1) Having to making numerous noises to roll myself out of bed
2) The inability for my face to be one color at one time... please refer to this that I have not tried....
3) Lack of dressing options. I have gotten into the habit of wearing the same dress 3 times a week, and not even with some different accessories... just the dress. Any my bra straps are probably going to be showing. So there.
4) Not having a glass of wine... which I have been allowing myself...in public for fear of peoples' "Judgy Eyes"
5) The fear that I have gone up a 1/2 size in all of my shoes. I have a killer pair of Steve Madden boots (that I've worn religiously for 2 seasons... that's why they are justifiable) that I wore last week and they started KILLING my feet. It really makes me mad/sad to think they may be done.
6) Having to explain to those cute, thin, never-been-pregnant ladies about what the worst things about being pregnant is.
7) Begin sweating trying to PUT ON gym clothes. Note: all workout short do not fit. Only VERY stretchy yoga pants are an option now, and wearing them in North Carolina humidity is super pleasant.
8) Running to the restroom only to find that you need to pee 2 ounces.
9) Thinking there may be "something going on" when you just need to use the bathroom.
10) Sitting is all chairs, including particular passenger seats
11) Fearing the "Belly Patter" who rides the late morning bus.

OK. I think that has been enough for you to read without the much appreciated break of pictures.

Ta Ta For Now!

P.S. I just found out I've been wearing my shirt backwards all day. Do I care to change it? No.

P.S.S Honesty time: I'm drinking a Cherry Coke Zero. Feel free to judge... with your Judgy Eyes.....

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